29 August 2010

Step One?

Today was my birthday... Today was rough... I cried a lot today :(

Anyway I went out last night with some friends and had a really good time :) Stayed at the bar till close which I have never done before but I had a great, fun night.  Walked home from the bar and I live maybe 20 min away and we left the bar around 2:30 or 3:00 and didn't make it to my house till around 4:15.  But it was a good night and that is all that matters!! :)

'He' did contact me today to wish me a happy birthday which I was happy about but it all still hurts.

But I need to get my life back in order or at least start trying to.  I keep wanting to and I just don't. I really really want to continue my running because I was looking forward to possibly running a half and a full marathon next year... It is a little hard to get back into that as we started it together and we both have the same goals with it and I want us both to succeed at it but it is another thing that reminds me of him... I don't know I enjoyed running and I think even though it will remind me of him I will feel better but it is still so hard.

Cadets starts up this week and bowling (which I am iffy about) starts the week after so I am having a few things to get me out and about... I am hoping to go for a run tomorrow after work and get back to doing that everyday... I think for a little while I should only go every second day and work up my endurance again then go daily...

But here are my goals for this week
1. Go running
2. Eat properly
3. Drink lots of water so I am not dehydrated anymore
4. Try to keep busy after work

The only thing that might cause me trouble is that I am still having trouble sleeping and I still cry myself to sleep daily but I seem to be getting a better at not thinking for long enough to fall asleep but at the moment it takes around 1 - 2 hours to fall asleep... ugh... which makes it hard to get up in the morning... But I am hoping that things will start getting easier this month and that my sleep might start getting better... I haven't had a good sleep since this all happened and sleep affects your mood and appetite for the next day...  Anyways enough of my rambling, I am going to look at my goals daily and see if the helps me get through!!