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06 August 2010

Tales of a Broken Heart

How does someone tell you they love you, think of you as family, and care so much about you and in the same sentence tell you they are leaving... and leaving you...

I don't think it matters how many questions I asked or how many answers I get I don't think I can wrap my head around this.  He says he needs space.  Needs time to figure things out on his own.  I can understand that as much as it hurts I can understand that... but... there is always a but... how do you consider someone family and just leave them... no discussion... no fight... no notice...

he did everything he ever could for me... sometimes I didn't get to see him as much as I wanted and that sucks but he always tried to make up for it... things were good... I thought...

I couldn't read his mind... I knew he was upset... I asked if it was because of me... there was your chance to talk to work on this to let me know... instead you just say it's work, it's money, it's this, it's that... how was I suppose to know that things were bothering you when you didn't open your mouth...

I know you don't like confrontation... so you just avoid everything and solve it by running away... I understand things are scary and... and... I don't know...

My world had crumbled around me... I am just numb... I can make it through most of the day... but as the time to leave work draws near it starts to hurt... I start to fear coming home and knowing that you won't be there... coming home knowing that you won't share the stories of your day... coming home knowing I won't see you again... hear you... feel you... smile, laugh, sing, play... all of these things that I looked forward to everyday...

I don't want to go home, I don't want to stay at work, I don't want to go out, I don't want to sleep... something somewhere, everywhere reminds me... a song, a movie, a tv show, a restaurant, a conversation, a quote...

Why did I think I was special enough to not get a broken heart... I thought I was lucky and found a good guy who would be there for me forever...

He says things like I just need to think... need to figure stuff out... so am I suppose to take that as hope for a future or not... I don't know where you stand... I don't know what you need to think about...

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and maybe ever will...

I just got to keep waking up... keep going through my day... keep trying to keep going...

Got to try and take things day by day and see how things go...
I know what I want and I know what I pray for but I know I can't make up his mind for him...

4 comments:

Tricia said...

*hugs*

Chicky said...

You have our support out here.

Been there...wondering...does this mean you will come back?....

Take time to think about your choices and your feelings. Don't base yourself on his decisions, make yours.

Ms. Chunky Chick said...

Big hugs...I was there I know how much it hurts when your world ends and it seems like nothing is familiar anymore. But I can say this with all certainty "sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Wishing you the best

mend your broken heart said...

Im with Chicky on this one... Heart break is like torture when its at its worst. Probably not the clearest time to make decisions, especially based on him.

"I can be changed by what happens, but I refuse to be reduced by it"